a simple funny thing to share

True Words
> Can’t Make This Stuff Up
>
> These are from a book called Disorder
in the
> American Courts and are things
> people actually said in court, word
for word, taken
> down and now published
> by court reporters who had the torment
of biting
> their lip to stay calm
> while these exchanges were taking place.
>
> Q: Are you sexually active?
> A: No, I just lie there.
>
_____________________________________________________________
>
> Q: What is your date of birth?
> A: July 15.
> Q: What year?
> A: Every year.
>
______________________________________________________________
>
> Q: What gear were you in at the moment
of the
> impact?
> A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
>
______________________________________________________________
>
> Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it
affect your
> memory at all?
> A: Yes.
> Q: And in what ways does it affect
your memory?
> A: I forget.
> Q: You forget? Can you give us an
example of
> something that you’ve
> forgotten?
>
______________________________________________________________
>
> Q: How old is your son, the one living
with you?
> A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I
can’t remember
> which.
> Q: How long has he lived with you?
> A: Forty-five years.
>
_________________________________________________________
>
> Q: What was the first thing your
husband said to you
> when he woke up that
> morning?
> A: He said, “Where am I, Cathy?”
> Q: And why did that upset you?
> A: My name is Susan.
>
______________________________________________________________
>
> Q: Do you know if your daughter has
ever been
> involved in voodoo or the
> occult?
> A: We both do.
> Q: Voodoo?
> A: We do.
> Q: You do?
> A: Yes, voodoo.
>
______________________________________________________________
>
> Q: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when
a person dies
> in his sleep, he does
> know about it until the next morning?
> A: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
>
______________________________________________________________
>
> Q: The youngest son, the
twenty-year-old, how old is
> he?
>
______________________________________________________________
>
> Q: Were you present when your picture
was taken?
>
______________________________________________________________
>
> Q: So the date of conception of the
baby was August
> 8th?
> A: Yes.
> Q: And what were you doing at that time?
>
______________________________________________________________
>
> Q: She had three children, right?
> A: Yes.
> Q: How many were boys?
> A: None.
> Q: Were there any girls?
>
______________________________________________________________
>
> Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
> A: By death.
> Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
>
______________________________________________________________
>
> Q: Can you describe the individual?
> A: He was about medium height and had
a beard.
> Q: Was this a male, or a female?
>
______________________________________________________________
>
> Q: Is your appearance here this
morning pursuant to
> a deposition which I
> sent to your attorney?
> A: No, this is how I dress when I go
to work.
>
______________________________________________________________
>
> Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you
performed on
> dead people?
> A: All my autopsies are performed on
dead people.
>
______________________________________________________________
>
> Q: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK?
> A: Yes.
> Q: What school did you go to?
> A: Oral.
>
______________________________________________________________
>
> Q: Do you recall the time that you
examined the
> body?
> A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
> Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the
time?
> A: No, he was sitting on the table
wondering why I
> was doing an autopsy.
>
______________________________________________________________
>
> Q: Are you qualified to give a urine
sample?
>
______________________________________________________________
>
> Q: Doctor, before you performed the
autopsy, did you
> check for a pulse?
> A: No.
> Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
> A: No.
> Q: Did you check for breathing?
> A: No.
> Q: So, then it is possible that the
patient was
> alive when you began the
> autopsy?
> A: No.
> Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
> A: Because his brain was sitting on my
desk in a
> jar.
> Q: But could the patient have still
been alive,
> nevertheless?
> A: Yes, it is possible that he could
have been
> alive, practicing law
> somewhere.